Monster
by SpidERSpins
Summary: Mangaverse, after chapter 83. 'He could only openly love her when he forgot the reasons he couldn’t. She could only admit her love back to him when he wouldn’t remember her admittance in the first place, once morning came.' Royai Oneshot LEMON


Author Note: Well… I did my best to write it. I checked out all the Fullmetal Alchemist books I that could at the library again, so I could use them to check for any questions I had. I also looked up a ton of things I wasn't sure on in the manga. I read a ton of lemons for reference and I did a lot of research to make it perfect. xDD I've got some more ideas for Royai oneshots, but the one I really want to write means I'll have to spend my summer learning how to play chess. :P I like to get things right, because I absolutely HATE being wrong. So I did my best to get this just right. I hope you enjoy it!

A few more notes, first, though. First of all, I learned the basics of sex at… what eight? From my friend five years older then me. She used barbies to demonstrate. The rest of what I've learned came from reading fanfiction. I never got the birds and bees talk and I still don't get how birds and bees come into the equation of sex. So I did my best. It is not like it was written by a child or anything, I am in high school. Just a fairly oblivious high schooler.

Also, I only started Fullmetal Alchemist like a few months ago yet I've become obsessed. I obsess REALLY easily. I read up the chapter 83 and watched the whole anime in those few months. And I have declared Royai as my favorite couple ever. Well, except for the couples in my own original novels, but I'm the only fan of them so far, because no one else knows of their existence. xD Well, lets get back on topic… um… anyways… Oh, yes. I haven't written fanfiction in a long time, since I moved but after falling in love with Royai and realizing that alot of the Royai fanfic suck or they are completely OOC (With Hawkeye pulling her gun for every single thing and Roy avoiding paperwork to the point she needs to) and all those similar story lines, with Roy bringing in the miniskirts (forgetting his real dream of course), Riza getting sick, or some dance is going on. It is all the same old stuff usually, not to be rude. So I wanted to try writing fanfiction again and made a new account. I decided to restart with a big bang, with a lemon.

Hope I did a decent job of keeping Roy and Riza in character. I wanted to keep Arakawa-sensei's way of writing, with humor tossed in, but I wanted to also write in my own style, which tends to be a bit more on the angst-y side. I hope I didn't overflow it with too much humor or angst and I hope everyone will with laugh, cry, or blush at least once while reading this. Please tell me if you do. I'll probably laugh, cry, or blush or a blend of the three if I get any compliments. I don't get many of them, 'cause I suck at life. xD

Other Stuff: This takes place after chapter 83. I started thinking of this before I read chapter 83 and started writing it after I read a summary of chapter 83. Also, there is some reference to Riza as 'Elizabeth'. Just as her codename. Just because her code name is 'Elizabeth' and Riza can also be spelled 'Liza' doesn't mean that is her name. I know someone named Liza and it ticks her off when people think it is only a nick name and that her really name is Elizabeth. But she loves that her name is also a spelling of 'Riza'. So until Arakawa-sensei announces Riza's name is Elizabeth, then her name is 'Riza'. Kay? Anyways, I also refer to Havoc a couple times by his code name used in the same mission as Riza's code name was used, 'Jacqueline'. All named characters are actually characters named in the manga. So Madame Christmas, Vanessa, and Madeline are in the manga. Just not important… Also I decided Hawkeye was twenty five and it was already announced that at this point that Roy was thirty. She is definitely younger then him by three years, and I decided five years… for the simple reason that the bigger the age gap the bigger the forbidden-ness it is. xD

Disclaimer: I wonder what would happen if I said I did own Fullmetal Alchemist…

Warning: LEMON and SPOILERS

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The office was filled with a dead silence, as the Führer went about finishing his paperwork. He only had a few papers left, before he broke that silence and spoke to the woman standing behind him.

"Before you are dismissed for the day, would you make me some tea, Lieutenant Hawkeye?" The Führer asked, his tone was nice enough. It wasn't like he was ever rude, but he was supposed to be the enemy. An enemy called Wrath, so one would only expect he'd be rude, if only a little. But King Bradley was just as cool and calm as the First Lieutenant working along side him, probably even more so. Which was an amazing feat. He should have won some kind of trophy for surpassing her, because she was amazingly inexpressive.

"Of course, sir." Lieutenant Hawkeye answered; her voice just as impassive as ever as she set about making the tea. The only sound in the room was the clinking of the china as she prepared the tea.

The military's best sharpshooter waited for him to speak; the Führer always seemed to take a break and ask for tea when he had something he wanted ask, usually her opinion on him being a homunculus, as he wanted to know a 'human's perspective' on some stupid matter. She always answered with direct frankness and didn't say anything unnecessarily. Sometimes, though, he wanted to talk about the Colonel. And she would answer with just as much frankness, as she lied through her teeth. She was a fantastic liar when she wanted to be, and even the homunculus had a hard time deciphering if she was telling him the truth.

It seemed he didn't have any questions, though, as she finished making the tea for him without an extra word being spoken. The Führer had sat motionless, keeping his one eye on her back as they waited for the tea to be ready.

She placed the tea carefully in front of him, "Your tea, sir."

"Ah, thank you, Lieutenant Hawkeye." He lifted the cup with some sort of grace to his lips, and took a long sip, as Hawkeye stood near him, waiting to be dismissed for the day. Poor Black Hayate still hadn't eaten since she left her apartment at ten o'clock. It was already thirteen hours later and she couldn't help but hope that the Führer would hurry up and dismiss her, because the dog hadn't gone to the bathroom yet either. After the time she had disciplined him for peeing on the wall he never dared to go to the bathroom inside again. By now the poor dog's bladder was most likely ready to burst.

The Führer set his cup down with a clink and glanced quietly at her as she stared back with the same coolness. "You are dismissed for the day, First Lieutenant. See you tomorrow."

"Yes, thank you sir." Lieutenant Hawkeye replied, with a quick salute. He nodded and she turned swiftly on her heel and left. Down the hall way she went, passing a few of the brainwashed lackey's of the Führer's. She offered each of them a short salute and continued down the hall, as they played at being watchdogs, waiting for her to suddenly run around screaming Bradley's secret, like she was some sort of fool.

She sighed inwardly, as she walked past them. It was a great relief when she finally got outside. While working for the Colonel had been tiring, working for the Führer was absolutely draining. Sure, the Führer didn't ever try to duck out early. He did his work quickly, asking politely for tea during his breaks. The Führer was a perfect gentleman in that respect.

Really though, how was she supposed to relax while being a hostage? As a hostage one had to be on the constant alert and it was hard work, even while heavily armed. So forgive her for being exhausted.

The First Lieutenant walked as quickly as she could without looking like she was in a hurry to get away from the place. Which she was, but there was Black Hayate to think about, too. Hawkeye sighed. Maybe she should ask Havoc to take the dog for while. Both of the dog and Havoc could use the company. Actually, Hawkeye had been thinking about doing that for a while, but then the whole thing with Pride came up. Having Black Hayate around had calmed her down somewhat. The confrontation still had her a bit shaken, but it really wasn't fair for Hayate to be alone for most of the day, not when he still young and needed someone to take care of him. It wasn't like she could bring him to the office, not with the Homunculus in the office. She didn't doubt that Hayate would be in danger there.

Though, she reflected, he probably was not all that safe at home either. It wouldn't be that hard for Pride to give her apartment a quick visit and…

Yes. She'd stop by and give Havoc a visit and ask him to take care of Hayate for a bit when he was transferred to the hospital in the East army. He probably would enjoy having the some familiar company around reminding him of what he was working towards, even if it was a dog. Besides having the dog around would probably get him out some more to walk the dog, exercise his paralyzed legs.

And it wasn't like he was SERIOUS about eating Black Hayate. Hopefully.

Hawkeye arrived at her apartment, and immediately felt more at ease when Hayate greeted her. The young dog barked in excitement and his whole butt wagged from side to side with extreme enthusiasm at the sight of his owner. Hawkeye sighed softly and bent down to pat the pup on the head before heading to the kitchen to feed him. She watched silently as the dog ate with great zest, not leaving a little food left in his food bowl or water in his water dish. Then he watched her expectantly, waiting for her to take him outside to take a walk so he could get rid of some pent up energy and to have himself a nice poop.

It was already pretty late, nearly midnight actually. With a sigh, she found herself grabbing Black Hayate's leash anyways. She'd been having a bit of a difficult time sleeping anyways, even before Pride. A quick walk wouldn't do any harm, if anything it would help her sleep (though she doubted it, she was already exhausted and she was worn out all those other times too).

As she attached the leash to Hayate's collar, she grabbed herself a quick snack. Hawkeye had found herself eating progressively less as the days went by since Pride, and the apple in her hand would be the first thing she'd eaten since lunch, about eleven hours earlier.

Hawkeye sighed at her cowardice since meeting Pride.

She took the dog on a quick half hour walk, quietly eating her apple. By the time she arrived home, it was past midnight and definitely time to get to bed. Unfortunately, just as she had changed into her pajamas and was crawling into bed, the phone rang.

Oh dammit.

The First Lieutenant hoped from the bottom of her heart that it wasn't the Führer asking her to drop off another darn file he'd forgotten at his home and in the process discover some other horrible thing. What else was there to see? That his wife was a goddamn homunculus too? He was her father? The "Promise Day" was due to arrive much sooner then any of them had thought? Or would it be some other cynical demon that would join Pride in making her life that much more difficult?

Hawkeye almost wanted to ignore the phone. But she didn't want to miss an important call. What if it was the Colonel? What if he had gotten himself into trouble? After all, the Colonel was an expert at getting himself into some sort of predicament.

Oh good grief, she was already panicked about the Colonel's safety and she hadn't even answered the phone. She dashed to the kitchen and snatched the phone off the receiver.

She was greeted with a slightly slurred "Hawkeye…?"

Hawkeye knew that drunken voice anywhere. It WAS the Colonel.

And she knew immediately what that meant. She really ought to have expected it sooner. After all, this hadn't happened since she'd been transferred as the Führer's aide. It had been bound to happen. She sighed. She didn't know whether or not she felt comforted now or more ill at ease, now that she was being 'watched from the shadows' and this would definitely not escape the eyes of the homunculi.

Perhaps it would be best not to let such a thing happen, it would open the Colonel to even more weakness. Perhaps she should get someone else to take him home. Second Lieutenant Rebecca, perhaps, she was still in town on 'vacation'. Or someone else, anyone else. Someone who wouldn't end up sneaking out of the Colonel's home at five in the morning instead of just dropping him off like expected. But she already knew, the moment he'd called she had just known that it had to be like this. Because it was all she asked for in exchange for her unwavering loyalty.

"Which one, sir?"

There was some incoherent words, he was obviously not speaking directly into the phone, probably too drunk to hold the phone properly. Then there was obviously a change in who was holding the phone, because the next voice the Lieutenant heard was distinctly deeper, yet feminine.

"Madame Christmas?" Hawkeye asked, surprised though one couldn't really tell from her tone. Of all the bars the Colonel went to, she'd never had to go pick him up from Madame Christmas'. She had always figured the woman knew when to cut him off.

"Mm, Riza." Madame Christmas spoke. "Little Roy came by, saying he needed a little cheering up. It seems the fact that Elizabeth left him finally hit him." Madame Christmas chuckled to herself.

"Ah."

"You should tell Elizabeth to stop on by more often." Madame Christmas said, casually hinting.

"Elizabeth has a lot of work to do, but I'll ask and see if she can't move a few things around for him, Madame Christmas. Take care of the Colonel until I get there." Hawkeye hung up, with a slight sigh. She didn't exactly get why the Colonel was moaning about wanting to see her, when it had been him who had hidden behind the curtain when she had visited Second Lieutenant Havoc just yesterday. She took a page out of Edward's book and damned the bastard colonel.

So, that was why, at half past midnight, the First Lieutenant found herself once more preparing to go outside, rather then attempting to sleep.

By the time Hawkeye had properly dressed herself and armed herself with four guns (she placed one in her jacket pocket, tossed another one into her purse, and the other two were placed in holsters on each leg), and driven to Madame Christmas', it was one in the morning. Thank God that the Führer didn't need her to come in as early as the Colonel did, to keep his subordinates, and himself, on task. At the very least, she'd get home at five and get four hours of uninterrupted sleep at home, not to mention the sleep she'd probably end up getting at the Colonel's.

That sounded so wrong. But then again, what as going to happen was so completely and totally wrong, even it was going to feel so right when she got there.

Hawkeye sighed as she got out of her car, and approached Madame Christmas' Bar. It was a nice establishment, one that the men inside were all probably rich and wearing business suits and the women were most likely wearing some sort of dress. Probably low cut ones, but nothing too slutty.

As the First Lieutenant entered, she couldn't spot where the Colonel was. She did see a rather giggly Vanessa, though. And Hawkeye sighed again.

"Long time no see, Riza." Came the low voice belonging to Madame Christmas from behind the bar. Hawkeye glanced in the older woman's direction. A lighted cigarette perched between her ruby lips, reminding her somewhat of Havoc. Except for the heavy amount of red lipstick applied to Madame Christmas' lips. A fairly low cut dress showed off her large cleavage, but it didn't really do anything to make the round, older woman more appealing.

"Likewise." First Lieutenant Hawkeye replied evenly. "Is he in the back room?"

"Mm… couldn't leave him out here, disturbing all the customers." She gestured around the room, which only held a couple customers at the late hour, not counting Vanessa. "But before you go lug him home, why don't we catch up?"

"I suppose I could spare a few moments, if it is for you, Madame Christmas." Hawkeye said, allowing for a small smile to tug on the corners of her mouth. Madame Christmas smiled at her broadly obviously pleased at her reply.

"Anything to drink?" Madame Christmas rumbled, as Hawkeye sat on a stool. She chortled when Hawkeye gave her a sharp look, and leaned on the counter. "So how is Elizabeth?"

"Fine." Hawkeye replied after a beat.

"Mm… New guy not abusing her I hope?" Madame Christmas said, her eyes flashing to Hawkeye's cheek. The scratch was barely noticeable now, barely there. But Madame Christmas had sharp eyes.

"No." Hawkeye answered carefully. The cut on her cheek had already gotten a few concerned questions. She couldn't wait until the thing healed; it attracted a lot of attention. Stupid Homunculus.

Under Madame Christmas' penetrating eyes, Hawkeye continued, "After meeting some of his… relatives she got a little rattled. Nothing she can't handle though." The older woman nodded, clearly pleased with this answer.

"Elizabeth has always had a bad taste in men." The bartender said pointedly.

Hawkeye felt a sharp tug on the corner of her lips, as she smiled lightly at the comment. "She has, hasn't she?"

"I still think she deserves better." Madame Christmas commented.

"And I still think you think much too highly of Elizabeth." Hawkeye answered. The round woman chuckled.

"Perhaps." She agreed. "How's Jacqueline? I heard she got roughed up a bit, a while back."

"Fine. She'll recover. She'll be back on her own two legs in no time, I'm sure." Hawkeye replied, coolly. "I visited her just a little while ago. I think I may go see her again soon, I've got something I want to see if she can look after."

Madame Christmas' eyebrows rose at her last statement, but otherwise seemed rather satisfied.

"How did the Colonel end up drunk anyways?" Hawkeye asked, too tired to continue speaking in code.

The large bartender laughed, "It was Vanessa over there," Vanessa immediately began whistling innocently. Madame Christmas continued, "Spiked his drink. He kept refusing to any alcohol, saying he was still recovering. So Vanessa, who knows what she was thinking, decided to spike his coffee. God knows what she used; it was strong whatever it was. And God knows why little Roy didn't notice."

"Ah. I thought Vanessa might have something to do with it, what with all her giggling." Hawkeye said.

Vanessa gasped at Hawkeye's comment, and pouted, "You are so mean, Riiiizaaaaa."

Hawkeye frowned slightly at the use of her first name, but didn't comment. Vanessa wasn't that bad, not compared to some of her Colonel's dates like Madeline. Then again, Vanessa was more along the lines of a messenger, as were many of Mustang's women, passing on information in the military to and from the Colonel and General Grumman, though Vanessa did seem to have developed some feelings for the Colonel.

"Then I apologize for my rudeness." Hawkeye answered, steadily. She stifled a yawn, and stood. She turned to Madame Christmas, "I ought to take the Colonel and go. Work has been rather demanding, lately. I'm lucky if I get to sleep for three straight hours. I'd like to get home and catch up on some sleep."

Madame Christmas seemed rather unhappy with her words, but said, "Yeah, he's in there." She jabbed her thumb in the direction of the back room behind the bar.

Hawkeye nodded, and with surprising grace for someone so exhausted, she hopped across the counter and disappeared into the backroom, as Vanessa and Madame Christmas glanced worriedly at each other then at the door the sharpshooter has disappeared. Hawkeye reappeared two minutes later, supporting a Colonel, bearing most of his weight on her left shoulder. His right arm wrapped carelessly around her neck, and seemed to be fairly close to groping her breast. Vanessa seemed rather put out by that.

For a woman guiding such a well built fully-grown man, Hawkeye supported him fairly well. The First Lieutenant had been supporting him for a great many years now, after all.

"Good night and thank you, Madame Christmas. Vanessa." Hawkeye said, with slight smile. She nodded to them; thankful didn't have to attempt to salute them, what with the Colonel needing her to hold him up and all. He seemed to be awake, and looked as if he was talking, though his voice was too soft and incomprehensible for the other two women, though Hawkeye could understand most of his garbled words.

"Yes, come in anytime, Riza." Madame Christmas said, her ruby colored lips stretching into a smile. Hawkeye returned the smile, knowing full well that she wouldn't be coming by anytime soon, not for a pleasure visit at least.

"I'll do that, Madame Christmas."

"Bye, Riza! Take care of my Mr. Roy!" Vanessa said, and her breasts came near to falling out as she leaned over her table to wave and a male customer oogled. "Oh jeez, they almost spilled out!!"

Hawkeye, not wanting to comment, nodded and left. Hawkeye carefully dumped the muttering Colonel in the back seat of her car, thankful she'd thought to bring it in her weary state. She glanced at her watch, and let out an inaudible sigh. It was one thirty in the morning, so just what was she doing up at this hour? Oh of course she knew she was picking the drunken Colonel up, but really why? Oh, of course she knew that too. She loved him and all that bull.

She shook her head, and started her car. And off she was in the opposite direction of her apartment, to his house. For a while, there was nothing but the sound of the Colonel's mutterings and him pulling himself, rather sloppily, into sitting position as he snapped in awareness. And then, quite suddenly, the Colonel reached around her car seat and pulled her into an awkward hug from behind. Hawkeye frowned, and attempted to swat his hands away with her left hand and continued steering with her right. One of his hands were on her boobs, though he probably didn't know.

"Sir, I suggest you let go. I can't drive properly with you like this."

"Don't wanna." Mustang answered, his grip tightening around her. If Hawkeye weren't so talented at putting a poker face on, her face might've betrayed her irritation when his hand also tightened on her breasts.

"I refuse to die in a car crash, sir."

He chuckled as her buried his head into her blond hair, "Then pull over."

"I'd rather not, sir. I'd just like to get you home as quick as possible." Hawkeye answered, it sounded sort of wrong, since she knew what would most likely happen in the end. She added, "I've got quite a lot of work to do when I get into the office, and I'd like to get some sleep."

The Colonel frowned into her hair, "Take a day off, then. I don't like you working so close to the enemy, anyways."

"You know as well as I do that the homunculi wouldn't allow that." Hawkeye snapped.

"Then just quit. I'll hide you away. I won't let the homunculus get you. I'll protect you." The Colonel whispered softly in her ear.

"I'm here to watch your back, Colonel. Don't tell me you have forgotten." Hawkeye answered. "I don't need any protecting, anyways. Besides, the Führer pays me much better than you did, sir."

Hawkeye could sense her Colonels scowl at her comment. "I didn't know you could be bought off with money."

"There are many things you don't know about me, sir." Like the fact that she'd been taking advantage of the drunk Colonel for a while now.

His arms around her had loosened, though he still hovered close behind her. "How much do you want to return to me?"

"Be serious, sir. I don't actually care about the money, though it is a perk."

"I'm always serious." The Colonel answered.

"You know, for being thoroughly drunk, I can understand everything you are saying." Hawkeye snapped. "Are you sure you are drunk, or was that all an act, sir?"

Mustang laughed, "Your voice woke up me, my lovely Lieutenant. Don't worry, I'm still drunk."

Hawkeye rolled her eyes and was silent. It seemed to have started to rain – which was a surprise, for the day hadn't shown any hint of rain. The only sound was the soft fall of the rain. It would have been a fairly comfortable moment, had the Colonel not continued to hover behind her. She could feel his hot breathe against her bare neck – for she had put her hair back up in her usual style when she had left to pick him up – and it made her uncomfortable. Uncomfortable in the way that she wanted to turn around and kiss him and make violent love in the back seat of the car, despite the fact she was still driving.

"Sit back, sir."

But he didn't, of course. Mustang drew himself closer to her, and embraced her from behind, making it near impossible to drive. Of course, the sharpshooter somehow managed to drive anyways. He pressed his warm, flushed cheek to her icy cold one. "I love you."

The Lieutenant's breath caught in the back of her throat at his words. She'd heard those words coming from his mouth so many times, but each time he spoke them she felt her heart jolt in shock.

"Not here, sir." She breathed, her voice soft. Her throat was dry and she felt slightly lightheaded.

He chuckled softly, obviously pleased. "Does that mean we can continue when we get to my place?" He whispered into her ear. She felt her whole body heat up at his words, and didn't answer. She kept her eyes on the road ahead of her, and didn't bother asking him to remove his hands from around her. It was hard to see through the light rain and the darkness of the night. It was very near two in the morning.

"We're here, Colonel." She murmured softly, as she came to a stop in front of his house. She glanced at him, her throat was dry and she didn't know why she was so nervous. Maybe it was because today was different. Because she was a hostage and he had to play along. He couldn't demand her immediate release and she couldn't just up and quit. She had to protect him and he wanted to protect her, but really couldn't. She couldn't help but feel that tonight was going to be special, like the night after Maes Hughes' funeral.

The sound of the rain filled the car, as she waited for him to move. No way in hell was she going to initiate this.

Suddenly his embrace grew harder, and she felt herself being pulled into the backseat. He kissed her somewhat tenderly, gentle. She drew back in shock and found herself straddling the Colonel. Her wrists were gripped tightly in his hands, to make sure she didn't get away. He didn't need to, though. His lips found hers again and she didn't try to pull back and she let herself fall into his embrace, his kiss.

Hawkeye could taste the alcohol in his kiss, but the taste was not overpowering. He let go of her wrists, and placed his arms around her waist, as if to stop himself from going further, from letting himself wrap his arms around her and crushing her into his body. When her arms wrapped around his neck, bringing him closer to her, his hands began to work at the buttons of her blouse. Only slightly reluctant, she stopped him.

"Sir, do you think this is the best place to be doing this?"

He sighed in relief, as though he had feared she might actually reject his advances. She loved him for crying out loud and this was one of the few times she could have him.

His breath smelled lightly of alcohol, she noted as he drew himself closer. It might have been disgusting had she not gotten used to this. Had she not gotten caught up in his kiss. Had she not fallen so deeply in love with him and couldn't care less.

"You are right, as always Lieutenant." He fumbled slightly as he opened the car door. It was obvious he has every intention to carry her straight up to his house, when he suddenly seemed to remember he was drunk and could barely stand and thus stumbled. Hawkeye smirked slightly as she allowed him to lean on her slightly as she led him up to his house. Instead of wasting time and letting him open the door himself, she grabbed his keys from his coat pocket and unlocked it herself.

The moment the door was closed behind them, he pulled her into another kiss, as she helped to support him. This time the kiss was harder, but still sweet. Her arms snaked around his neck, as her fingers found his hair and tangled themselves into his black hair. They drew back for breath, and gazed at each other for a moment. His dark eyes locked with her gold ones.

"This isn't upsetting your injury, is it, sir?" She whispered.

He chuckled lightly, "This old thing?" The Colonel patted his left side, as if that was proof enough that it was alright. His First Lieutenant frowned.

As he crept closer, to kiss her again she spoke.

"Show me."

"Wha-?" Mustang said, drawing back slightly.

"Take off your shirt and show me." She declared, perfectly serious.

For a moment the Colonel blinked in confusion, and then he smirked. That goddamn smirk. The infamous Roy Mustang smirk that only he could pull off. "You just want me to take off my shirt." He drew closer, clearly pleased. "Who knew that my 'scary' first lieutenant was such a pervert?" He laughed to himself.

"I think it is pretty much established we are going to have sex, sir, so it shouldn't really matter that I am asking you to take off the shirt. Just take off the damned shirt so I can see if you've been taking proper care of it. You may irritate the wound if we continue, and I don't want that. Sir." First Lieutenant Hawkeye snapped.

Mustang blanched slightly at her words. For a moment he was silent, clearly blown away at her bluntness, though he should really have gotten used to it. Finally, "I still think you just want me to take off my shirt."

"Sir." She said sharply.

He paused, and then frowned. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours." He whispered finally, his voice was suddenly soft and filled with anguish.

She hadn't had any injuries other then the scratches and bruises cause by Pride, and he didn't know about those. But she knew what he meant. He wanted to see her back, to see the burn that he had made on the red ink tattoo on her back.

"You first then, sir." Hawkeye murmured voice low. She didn't bother reminding him that she had asked him to scar her. That she was actually still a bit pissed he didn't destroy the whole thing. It didn't matter. She'd told him many times. And in the morning, he wouldn't even remember tracing the scar as he apologized. So it didn't matter what she had to say, though it pained her that he still felt guilty for the little burn.

"Why me first?" He asked, drawing in close and kissing her softly on the lips, before pulling back and watching her closely.

"Colonel, you and I both know that you cannot have a pair of nearly naked breasts within a foot of you without touching them. And showing you my back would mean I'd have to take off my shirt. I want to see your side first."

He laughed, "You know me so well." He began kissing her softly, her forehead, her eyelids, the corner of her lips, the tip of her nose. Then he bit her playfully on the nose. He pulled away, and awkwardly shrugged off his jacket. She helped to undo his tie, and he undid the buttons of his shirt. He let his shirt fall to the floor, and Hawkeye lightly touched his burn on his side. She frowned.

"Does it hurt?" She whispered, mournfully.

He tugged on her chin, forcing her to lock eyes with his onyx eyes. "I don't know why you bother worrying about me. And this isn't your fault. The only thing I am mad at you for on that night is that you gave up."

She frowned; her one moment of weakness hadn't been discussed since he'd scolded her. Yelled at her really. It had been quite unnerving, as neither party was quite used to him yelling at her, even if he was her superior. Doing reckless things was usually his thing.

She ignored his words, and said, "It seems to be healing quite nicely, sir. I doubt there will be much of a scar."

"Told you, Hawkeye." He murmured. "Now you take off your shirt."

"Who is the perverted one now, sir?"

He smiled lightly. "I'm not a pervert, I'm just in love."

Her eyes rolled, "Are you absolutely sure you are drunk? But for the fact you smell like it and the fact you can barely keep your self upright, I'd say you were completely sober, at least as sober as you get. Sir."

He laughed, as he wrapped an arm around her back, and drew her closer. "It is a gift I was born with. Now take off your shirt."

Hawkeye smirked, lightly. "You must be drunk, sir. If you actually thought I'd take off my shirt so easily." Then her gold eyes softened. "Why are you so bothered about it anyways?"

He watched her for a moment, then he slowly whispered, "I need to make sure."

"Of what?" his First Lieutenant asked. She knew what he meant, but she still asked. She knew, because she felt the same every time he got the slightest of wounds. "That it is still there, sir?"

When he didn't answer, she added, "Trust me sir, it is still there."

Then he frowned. "I just want to make sure."

Hawkeye sighed. "Then you take it off."

"Wha-?"

"Take off my shirt." Hawkeye said, as she kicked off her short heels and shrugged off her jacket. She tilted head, and stared him dead in the eye, and looked absolutely serious. It amazed him how she could say such things with such a straight face.

He watched her, only slightly stunned. "Every time I think I understand everything about you, you throw me for a loop." He brushed his thumb along her jaw, and up, to her right cheek, and then paused as he felt the faint outline of the scratch there. He frowned deeply, and looked into her eyes. "I've been meaning to ask you how you got this."

"What, sir?" Hawkeye responded, already knowing what he was asking about.

"I think you know, Hawkeye."

The First Lieutenant sighed. "It's nothing, sir. You really shouldn't worry about little things like that. Fretting over every cut won't help our cause."

He frowned, clearly not pleased. "I can't help it. If you want me to stop worrying, stop protecting me and protect yourself."

"Why can't I do both, sir? I still have that promise I made to you. I'll fulfill it. I will make sure you'll get to the top. And I know you can't do it without me. You blunder often enough. So I'll survive so that I can protect you until the very end."

He hugged her tightly against him, pressed her into his bare chest, as though she might vanish if he didn't hold her tightly enough. "What did I do to get such a wonderful lieutenant?"

"If only I knew." Hawkeye answered lightly, pulling away from his chest, before being pulled back in. He buried his head into her golden tresses, which was now free from its hairclip, and sighed. Hawkeye sighed inwardly, as she struggled out of his grip. He was strong, even while drunk, if you could call him that. Hawkeye still had her doubts.

"I was kidding, Colonel. I think you deserve better then what you've received." She continued, truthfully.

His dark orbs rolled, "You think wrong then."

"In the car you said I was always right. So which is it now, sir?"

His face creased, deep in thought. "A momentary lapse in judgment."

"A momentary lapse in judgment that lasts – what – seven years? You have to be kidding me." She stood on tiptoes, but that still wasn't enough to reach his face. It was when she took off her heavy soled military boots and took off all the military garb that she suddenly realized that he was that much taller then her. She wound her arms around his neck to pull herself up and pressed her lips to his.

They stayed like that for a long moment, their tongues dancing in the others mouth. When they pulled back, they were both slightly flushed and out of breath.

"I don't kiss like that for those who don't deserve it."

He frowned. "How many others have you kissed like that?"

"Many others. Including Havoc and Edward." She stated sarcastically.

Either the Colonel was much too drunk to realize she was kidding, though he was always fairly serious when Fullmetal popped into the conversation (especially when it came up that the bean sprout was kissing HIS girl), or was an idiot, both equally likely. Either way, his reply was, "I can't believe you would be so desperate to kiss dateless and the bean sprout. You are rather pretty. I'm sure you could do much better then us three... You haven't kissed Major Armstrong, though have you?" He seemed rather mortified at anyone daring enough to kiss Major Armstrong.

"On no, sir. Only Major General Armstrong."

The Colonel didn't seem to mind that one, much. If anything, he was a might bit disappointed in not being there to see, and couldn't help wondering if he could ask for a repeat performance. This was the sort of behavior that caused Olivier to hate him so very much.

She then slammed her head to his chest in frustration as she realized he was taking everything she was saying quite seriously. The First Lieutenant wondered just what kind of man she had fallen in love with.

"…Sir… That was a joke…"

"Oh…" Mustang seemed a little let down, now that the fact Hawkeye had been kissing Olivier was revealed to be untrue. "Then seriously, Hawkeye, how many others have you kissed that way?"

"Only you, sir." Hawkeye breathed. He bounced back fairly easily from the earlier disappointment and was rather happy again.

"…So how many others have you just plain kissed? You seem a rather… adept kisser."

Well only him. She'd been kissing him since the Ishabal War ended and she had become his aid. Not that he knew.

"Only you, sir."

He smirked. "You are twenty five and tonight was your first kiss. Have you been saving yourself up for me?" He seemed rather delighted at the prospect.

Well… Actually… She'd been stealing kisses from him for a long time, since she was about nineteen. Not that he was exactly aware of the fact. He'd always been too hung over to bother remembering.

"You think much too much of yourself, Colonel."

"You think so?" he brushed his lips against her temple.

"Didn't I just say so?"

"Mm… so you did." Mustang left a wet little trail as he kissed her skin, down towards her neck, and nipped softly at her flesh. Someone was obviously getting bored with talking. He breathed in her scent deeply before asking, "Want to move this to the bedroom?"

"Mm." was the answer she gave him, so he took that as consent to lead her to his bedroom… though in all honesty she was doing the leading for he was still stumbling along.

She was slightly surprised when they got into the room and she was pushed straight onto the bed, him crashing down on top. His lips found hers and they tangled themselves with one another, as their tongues battled it out. Mustang's hands finally got to unbutton her blouse. When all that separated him from her breasts was a simple white cotton bra, he paused. She paused too, and sighed. So he remembered.

He smiled slightly, "You promised."

So she did, but Hawkeye said a lot of things to persuade the Colonel into doing things he'd rather not do (Mind out of the gutter, she was talking paperwork here). It wasn't as though she planned on keeping them all. Just the one that mattered, that was the one she had to keep; her promise to watch his back, and to shot that back if he drifted off course.

Okay, so sometimes she wasn't exactly sure she could carry out the last part of the promise. But she felt she wouldn't need to keep it, that he would always stay true to their dream. Because she believed in him. Jeez, how corny was that?

She sat up, and let him move to face her back, and he undid the back of her bra. He let the fabric fall away, and reveal the salamander tattoo. Her shoulders were broad, much broader then that of a normal woman, but that just made her slim waist seem even thinner.

His warm fingers traced her cold back; she flushed slightly at his touch. Mustang let his finger trace the burn, as he frowned. She had other old scars, but this one was one he'd caused himself. One he had meant to cause, and even if she had told him to do it, the idiot still felt guilty for doing it.

He kissed the burn lightly, and murmured, "I'll protect you. I won't let you die like Hughes… I… Hughes..." He sighed as he began on a tirade, about protecting her, about Hughes.

She let him go on for a few moments, before cutting him off. "You know, sir…"

"Mm?" he asked mid-speech.

"If you keep talking about Brigadier General Hughes like that, especially while we are in bed together, I'll begin to think you wish you had Hughes in this bed instead."

He was silent for a moment, as he processed her words. She wanted to turn around and see the look on his handsome face, but didn't dare to. The he chuckled. Soft at first, but then it turned into uproarious laughter. She frowned, as she hadn't really meant to be funny, though it did seem he was now distracted from his sorrow.

He hugged her from behind, pressing her back against his bare chest, and nuzzled into her neck. "You jealous of Hughes? You know I would never have let that man in my bed. Anyways, he was waaaay too into his wife."

The way he said it sounded like Hughes did have a chance, that is, if Hawkeye didn't know better. Roy Mustang was definitely straight. There was a bigger chance of her letting the Colonel fuck her in his office then Edward or Hughes fucking with the Colonel, and there was no way in hell she was going to have sex with the man in his office. She wasn't an idoit, doing it in the office was too risky.

"How would you feel if I started to talk about Winry right now?" the First Lieutenant answered, tone clipped.

"Turned on." He laughed. She sighed. Bad example.

"Fine. Edward."

He paused, just as he begun to gently bite at her ear. "Why would you talk about Fullmetal?"

"I just doubt you'd like me talking about him right now, as you two never… really liked each other."

"Are you saying you never really liked Hughes?!" the Colonel asked, surprised.

"Of course not, sir." She snapped, irritated.

Only someone with absolutely no heart could possibly hate Hughes. And Hawkeye definitely had a heart; it was beating a mile a minute right now. She just didn't care for conversations about him to carry on into the bedroom. Especially when it made the Colonel more depressed then he already was and it was getting in the way of sex and time was running short.

"Oh just forget I ever said anything." She said, with a loud, exasperated sigh.

"No, no. You continue. Talk about little Winry… Have you two-" he nipped at her neck "-done anything naughty together?"

"Oh shut up, Colonel. Winry and I just understand each other all too well." Hawkeye muttered.

"And what sort of… understanding would that be?" The Colonel spoke softly, suggestively. He, obviously, was very into the thought of Hawkeye and other girls, all less attractive than Hawkeye in his opinion, but very pretty all the same, kissing.

"The idiot alchemists we are in love with are a lot alike and hate one another's guts. They act tough, but in the end they are selfish and completely disregard their own safety for anyone else's. It is annoying really."

Mustang skipped right over the part where his First Lieutenant basically confessed her love for him, and frowned. "Are you saying I am like Fullmetal?"

"Yes, I am sir. I think you two are the last to notice." She deadpanned.

"I am sooo not like Fullmetal. I'm completely different from that pipsqueak with the funny antenna." The Colonel was in denial at any connection he may have to the tiny alchemist.

She glanced at the clock on his wall, it was nearly three, and she really wanted to be home by five, though at the moment it seemed highly unlikely. She wanted to sleep in his bed a bit too.

"Sir… You are talking about other men while in bed with me again. Besides, I though we came in here because you were BORED with talking."

He chuckled rather loudly, as he turned her around so that she was facing him. "So shall I prove my love to you then, Hawkeye?" He didn't call her by first name, just as she didn't call him by first name. Because they both know that if they started now, both of them would let the other's first name slip out outside of the bedroom, which wouldn't do any good. And for Mustang, this was all going to be just a sex dream about his hot Lieutenant in the morning, anyways.

"Yes, I think you should." And his lips crashed down on hers, engaging her tongue in an all out battle. Hawkeye enjoyed it immensely, and nearly moaned. But she wouldn't let herself. Damn bastard got extremely cocky when she made the first embarrassing sound.

When he drew away, she was slightly disappointed. "Is my love and devotion proven yet, Lieutenant?" His dark eyes watched her, making her stomach give a sort of flip flop.

"Not just yet." She whispered. He pressed his lips to hers again; this kiss was deep, maybe even painful. Pleasure washed over her body, as his hands gently rubbed expertly through the fabric of her bra, which was still unhooked from the back, to her nipples. She nearly whimpered in pleasure, but Hawkeye was stubborn. If Mustang was as stubborn as an ox she was as stubborn as… something more stubborn than an ox. Hawkeye was in a category all her own.

She let her cool fingers travel down his chest, down to his pants. He let out a slight moan into her mouth when her fingers began to disappear beneath the waistband of his boxers, and however slight it was, Hawkeye declared it her victory.

And Mustang clearly knew, because he pulled her bra the rest of the way off, obviously so he wouldn't be outdone. Once her supple breasts were free of the annoying cloth, his mouth caught her left nipple. She let out a soft whimper at the touch, and he declared his own victory. But Hawkeye still won first, and that was all that mattered to her.

His right hand pinched and tweaked her other nipple while he devoted his mouth's attention to her left nipple and her back arched involuntarily. His left hand trailed down and then up her knee length skirt. Mustang's hand was nearly to his goal, when his brows furrowed. His fingers had been met with something cool, something metal. He ceased sucked at her left nipple and his head disappeared under her skirt to investigate, as she rolled her eyes, though her cheeks flushed slightly.

Her thighs were slick with sweat and she was completely aware that her panties were already soaked. And the Colonel sticking his head down under her skirt was definitely embarrassing. She wanted to smack her legs closed, so he wouldn't notice how wet she already was, but couldn't as his head was in the way. So she was stuck just flushing at his touch as he discovered the guns tucked in their holsters on her legs.

He withdrew, and held the guns up. "Eh… Hawkeye you've got guns down here."

And she thought he couldn't get any stupider. Lucky him that she found his stupidity endearing. Though she really hoped it was mostly the alcohol talking. No one could possible be THAT stupid, right?

"…I hadn't noticed sir." The First Lieutenant answered rather coldly.

"Hm…" She winced as he chucked the guns to the ground. She wanted to pick them up, and put them away properly, but when the Colonel kissed her, she forgot and left them on the floor, discarded. It wasn't like she didn't have many more guns at home if they did get damaged.

She threaded her fingers through his dark hair, and pulled him closer and deepened the kiss. His hands trailed up and down her abdomen, causing her to moan against into his mouth. When they pulled back for air, her chest heaved as she panted; her face was flushed as was his.

He stared at her flushed face, red, sweaty, and panting. Her blond hair was spread around her like a golden halo, and her eyes were half close. She was beautiful, more beautiful then the slutty girls he date or the ones he pretended to date. Her amber eyes were clouded with passion and her lips were full and rosy from kissing. Her forehead had a thin layer of sweat over it and he swore he'd never seen anything more erotic in his life.

With a sudden motion, Hawkeye was on top of him, straddled across his well toned stomach.

His dark eyebrows rose at her actions. "And just what do you think you are doing, Lieutenant?"

"Well, sir, I've relinquished my shirt and bra. You've only got your shirt off. It is only logical to think it is time for you to surrender your pants." As she said that, she unbuckled his pants.

"What sort of logic is that?" He asked, as he flipped her over, so he was back on top.

"My own." She answered coolly. And Hawkeye was back on top.

He laughed. "I think I like your logic."

"You like any sort of logic that includes being naked with a girl."

"Maybe so, but my favorite sort of logic is being naked with my lovely blond subordinate."

"I hope you are not talking about Second Lie… Havoc…" She said, and she nearly forgot that Havoc is no longer technically in the military.

"…Why do you seem so keen on me with other men?" His eyebrows are drawn together and his nose is wrinkled in disgust.

"You seemed pretty excited at the idea of me with other girls." She argued in her defense.

"Yea, but girls making out is hot." He whispered, flipping her over again so he so once again the one on top.

"And who said I didn't find guys making out a complete turn on?"

He drew back, a look of revulsion shown upon his handsome features. "Are you saying you would be turned on by the thought of ME kissing another man?"

"Of course not sir. The thought of you with anyone else drives me completely insane." She answers, and he was surprised at her brutal honesty. "And it pisses me off that you would be totally into me kissing someone else, even if that someone else is just a fellow woman."

He kisses her, a soft, exploring kiss; their tongues barely brush each other. She moaned when he pulls away, missing his lips against hers.

"It drives me crazy, the thought of you with anyone else, Hawkeye. Even when it was just Barry the Chopper, it pissed me off to no end." He murmured to her, as he left open mouthed kisses along her neck and collarbone. "And I don't want anyone but you. I'll never kiss another one of those girls again Hawkeye, so long as I have you."

Those are the words she longs to hear. And they are words she had heard many times, during all the drunken encounters with the man. She couldn't take him seriously, because in the morning this will all have been a naughty dream to him. He'll remember calling her to pick him up, regret that, and figure that the sight of her had triggered the naughty dreams of his First Lieutenant. She wanted to cry, but she sucked it up and succumbed to the pleasure of his hot tongue against her earlobe. She moaned, "I think I would rather kiss Major Armstrong then Barry the Chopper. At least he is relatively human."

He laughed and somehow, his pants and her skirt came off and all that was left were her soaked panties and his boxers. And soon his boxers were gone too, and all that was blocking him from her entrance were the white cotton panties she was wearing. He touched them, and grunted in approval at their dampness, and then finally tugged them off. Then his tongue was inside of her silky folds, and she cried out in surprise and pleasure.

The taste of her was not some heavenly fruit, not at all like all the porn novels like to describe the taste of a woman as. No, she had a musky and tangy flavor, all woman. She was delicious, and Mustang softly swore he has never tasted a woman as appetizing as her. But he has, many times, he just can't remember. But that suited Hawkeye just fine; that was the only way she could have him.

It was wrong, she shouldn't have him at all, but she wanted him. She needed him. She loved him, and that is what makes this okay. He could only openly love her when he forgot the reasons he couldn't. She could only admit her love back to him when he wouldn't remember her admittance in the first place, once morning came.

Because she couldn't protect him and love him at the same time. To protect him she had to watch his back, she couldn't stare him straight in the face and embrace him if she wanted to protect this man. And unfortunately, to fully love him and embrace him, she'd have to stare straight into his eyes, and thus she couldn't protect him. It was the choice between picking up her gun and using it to protect him or tossing her guns down and loving him.

She had that promise to protect him, and even without that promise, she would choose the guns. Because what mattered more to her than loving him and being close and being one with him was the fact he would live to see another day.

But these nights, when she could submit to her sexual desires, were selfishly hers. Even if it hurt to know that he would never know that she had given herself up to him in the morning, it didn't matter. So long as she got to have him, even for those few moments. It was the only selfish thing Hawkeye asked for in life other then the fact that he must survive, from the only thing left on Earth for her.

So her heart both skipped a beat in happiness and shatters into a million pieces when he told her that she was fucking amazing, and that he loves her and only her. That he had loved her for so long, back when her father was still alive was when it started. He couldn't say exactly when, maybe it was love at first sight. Her heart cried out as she whimpered in pleasure, as his tongue flicks in and out of her body.

When he was done licking at her slick pink folds, he kissed her and she tasted the heavenly taste of him, the alcohol, and the tang of herself in one delicious kiss. She loved him more then life itself, and she wondered why she loved these nights, when he and she become one with each other when it just break her heart even more than it already was.

Falling in love is so fucked up; she wondered why she even bothered falling for him in the first place. Why did humans bother with love when all it did was hurt them?

Maybe the homunculi were right. Perhaps the humans were a stupid race, their actions leading to their own ultimate destruction. But no, deep down she knew that love was the human's biggest strength and weakness. It was love, love for each other, for the people they know, and the love of their land that kept them fighting for what they believe in, even if it would end up breaking them in the very end. So long as they won it wouldn't matter.

It was when he stared straight into her eyes, both of them panting hard when she noticed that their hearts beat in the same rhythm. They panted in unison, and every beat, every breath, and every movement matched the other's. When she thought about it, it has been like that as long as she can remember. Back when she was still his subordinate, when she was his subordinate and not playing hostage, she noticed that when she leaned over and pointed at something he had missed in his paperwork and they were close enough to kiss, the rise and fall of their chests matched perfectly. She wonders if it was like this since their birth, or if they began moving at the same tempo after they met. She wondered why it matters at all, as he aligned their hips to match as he entered her.

Hawkeye cried out at the contact, and he kissed her to silence her scream. Her cry of pleasure had diverted his attention enough that he doesn't realize that this is not her first time. When he pulled his lips away from hers, there are tears running down her checks, as it suddenly came to her, this horrible feeling that this will be the last night feeling like this.

The feeling of his hot tongue against her cheeks, as he licked away her tears only made her want to cry more. Their hips moved together, at the same rhythm, like everything else about them.

His tongue against her face reminds her unromantically of Black Hayate's when he licks her face, only Black Hayate's tongue doesn't cause her this much pain and pleasure, not the way her Colonel's tongue does. Plus, Black Hayate's breathe smells like dog food. The Colonel's breathe smells only of alcohol and his own indescribable smell… Was she comparing the tongue of the man she loved to the tongue of her dog?

She forced the tears to go away, and when she was done with the tears, his lips left her cheeks and latched onto her already hardened rosy nipples. She gasped, and her back arched more then it already was, and his teeth softly grazed her nipples and she moaned. At the same time, he reached farther and farther within her, and both were rapidly approaching their climax.

Hawkeye's nails scratched at his back, causing red welts, not that Mustang really cared. Mustang breathed "Hawkeye" and she breathed "Colonel", as they came together, at the very same moment. They still didn't allow themselves to call the other by first name, because even when while he was (probably) drunk Mustang knew the risk somewhat. He released himself inside of her as she tightened around him, and then he collapsed next to her.

The Colonel pulled the blond close to his chest tightly, as though afraid it was a dream. A wonderful and horrible dream. And in the morning he would think it was, because she would be gone. Just for now, though, Hawkeye allowed herself the privilege of closing her eyes and drifting off to sleep in the arms of the man she loved, just like any normal couple would be able to do. The time was three thirty.

When Hawkeye reluctantly woke up an hour later, being a somewhat light sleeper, somehow the position had changed. His arms were locked securely around her waist, and his head was buried between her breasts. Their legs were tangled together and his grip on her was bone crushing. He was definitely trying to make this harder then it already was to make her escape. Bastard Colonel.

Then she softly sighed, as she wrapped her arms around his head, hugging him closer to her breasts. His black hair was extremely soft and the First Lieutenant tangled her fingers in it. She stayed like that for a long moment, holding him close to her body, before pulling away from him. The sheets on top of them were plastered to their bodies from the sweat and were tangled with their limbs too, making the art of untangling herself before the Colonel woke up that much more difficult. Usually she was irritated by what a deep sleeper he was, but tonight she thanked a god neither of them believed in for blessing him with the trait.

She started with their legs, trying as gently as was possible to pull her legs away from him and the damn sheets. It was a fine accomplishment when her legs were free in just under five minutes. Now for the hard part; getting out of his iron grip.

Hawkeye kissed him gently on the top of his head, before wriggling around just a little bit, until his hold on her loosened around her just enough so she could slip away. She breathed out in relief when she was finally free and then the cold night air hit her. The First Lieutenant glanced at the Flame Alchemist, so warm and inviting next to her and she was tempted to dive back into the warmth of his body.

Of course she didn't, Hawkeye was a smart girl who knew that that action would be a stupid one. So she went about hunting for her clothing, scattered all about the room and found her jacket and shoes out in the hall. She wondered briefly how the hell her bra ended up on top of the ceiling fan.

Once she was fully dressed, and had her guns back in place, she went about gathering the Colonel's clothes. She had to make it look like the drunken Colonel undressed himself without her help, that the sex they just had was all a dream. It was hard to do sometimes, as there were red welts on his back usually, just like there were now. But those don't matter. The Colonel would never suspect his perfect lieutenant of taking advantage of his drunken state. So she doesn't know why she goes about covering her secret so seriously.

It was not even like the Colonel was a drunk or anything. Like any normal man, the Colonel liked to indulge himself to a good drink now and then, when times got rough. Being a military officer meant times got rough a lot, especially with his ambitious dream. These nights didn't happen often, and thus took the cleaning up process seriously.

She placed his clothes in a small, rather messy pile, and then glanced over to him. The moonlight from the window in his room casted its light perfectly over his face, like it is trying to coax her back over to him. Hawkeye bit her lips, as she watches him sleep soundly. She knew he often had nightmares of the war, but he always slept so soundly after they…

He looks so angelic like this, without any worries, and she couldn't get how the heck he got it into his head that he was a monster. If anyone was a monster, it was her. Like him, she was a murderer. Unlike him… she felt no regrets. Each person she had killed since the Ishabal War was just another person in her way and the Colonel's. She had killed countless people… and didn't regret their deaths in the least. Then, she went to the office and played at being the Colonel's perfect First Lieutenant, while actually secretly raping him. Because this, right here, was by all rights, rape. Her Colonel was intoxicated and she was just taking advantage of his drunken self. She was truly a monster. And here he was, a true angel who believed in the goodness of people, believing he was the ugliest of monsters. And all she could do was watch him, knowing just who the true monster was.

She sighed, then pulled a blanket she found on the floor over his sleeping form when he shivered in the cold, winter night air (despite being inside), missing the warm body that was next to him just five minutes ago.

Hawkeye walked in the dark to the Colonel's kitchen. Even though she's done this quite a few times, she still hadn't gotten used to doing it in his new Central house, and she nearly stumbled over the many boxes that he hadn't bothered to unpack. Not that she can really say much, she still has many boxes left unopened at her apartment. Though her boxes are not in the middle of any doorways, all haphazardly, like his were, of course.

She peered into his refrigerator, and sighed aloud. And she thought that the few items in her own fridge were rather sad. The Flame Alchemist had only a carton of orange juice, milk (which was probably bad anyways), and some unidentifiable objects that she doesn't care to find out what they were. She sighed, and removed the orange juice carton after checking that it isn't all that old and set it on the counter as she went hunting for cups to put pour the orange juice in.

In the end she had to wash two coffee mugs in his jungle of filth that is his kitchen. She was rather tempted to wash all of his dishes, but she really had no time. It was past four thirty and she only had one hour of fitful sleep. She filled one with orange juice and the other with water, and made the perilous journey back to the Colonel's bedroom, and set both mugs by his bed, so that in the morning he would see them and use them to get over the headache he was sure to have in the morning.

He'll have a hell of a morning, because he is going to get up and get to work in just four hours. Without all his loyal subordinates, she knew he had his work cut out for him, and that he was getting buried in all the work. She glanced over to his peaceful face, and frowned at the way the moonlight hit his attractive face and her heart skiped a beat.

Hawkeye found a pen and paper somewhere in the chaos of her superior's room, best not to ask where, and wrote him in her perfect handwriting a note, one that sounds like she only dropped him off and nothing more.

Colonel, drink the orange juice when you get up. It should help. Please refrain from drinking on a work night from now on, and it really is best that we don't see each other for the time being, I'm sure you know. You really should think about putting some of the boxes in a better place. And make sure you are getting enough to eat; there is nothing to eat in your kitchen, I checked. The stuff with the blue mold doesn't count.

-- First Lieutenant Hawkeye

Then she paused and looked at the note and then, mostly to cover her ass, added 'PS, I know you were drunk, but please refrain from undressing yourself while I am in the room.'

Then she bent down and kissed him lightly on his forehead, his nose wrinkling slightly when her loose blonde hair fell and tickled his face and filled his nose with the scent of her shampoo. Then the First Lieutenant told him what she hasn't told him directly all night.

"I love you… sir." She added 'sir' only to remind herself of what she could never truly have.

The blond sharpshooter then stood and watched him sleep a few more moments longer, before turning around. The feeling was back, the one where she felt this is the last time like this. And she prayed in her heart of hearts that neither of them was to die. If anyone were to die, she wanted it to be her, but still…

She didn't want to die. Even if she was a monster, she wanted to live. Because, once this was all over, who the hell was going to make sure that the Colonel didn't slack off and make sure he became the Führer? No, she didn't want to die until he completed his dream.

Only then could she let herself die, die and rot in hell or whatever happened next for being the monster she was.

"I swear I'll protect you, sir."

And the 'monster' left his house, and turned back only once or twice, and got into her car and left. It was still lightly raining. Perhaps it was raining to wash away the sin she had committed that night, though she doubted it. Maybe it was raining to mourn the fact that this was their last night being together like this, because she felt it deep within herself. But that was stupid. If the couldn't be bothered to rain for Hughes, why would it bother to rain for her, a monster? An unfeeling monster, killing without shame.

Guilt wracked her body as she made a turn. She had to be prepared to kill anyone and everyone who stood in her Colonel's way. Even innocents, if they stood in the way of his dream. She couldn't regret all of their deaths; it would weigh her down. But what kind of monster was she? She was a monster unable to truly regret the deaths, unlike the Colonel who was able to take on both the guilt and go on with his life.

Both she and her Colonel would live and die, convinced they were monsters, defiling one another. But in truth, she was as much a monster as he was.

She killed not out of sick pleasure or for power. Riza Hawkeye killed to protect the man she loved, to protect something he believed in… to protect something she had come to believe in. Hawkeye killed to ensure the safety of everything that needed to be protected.

And if that made her a monster, then she wasn't by far the only monster that roamed their country. Of course, she would go on in absolute belief she was an ugly monster and one day she would die, protecting the man she loved.

--

Author Note: Hope you liked it. Please, please review. Tell me what is wrong and what you love. Tell me, I need to hear it. I want to be an author, so anything you have to say would be helpful, so long as it isn't a flame. Tell me if either of them were really OOC. I did my best to please the fans of the Colonel when he is cocky and angst-y. And also to all those fangirls gasping as Riza takes advantage of the Colonel, saying that is mean… you know you would totally take advantage of drunken Roy too. xDD And I hope the lemon wasn't too bad...

I plan on writing more fics once school gets out. It is sort of hard to balance writing and doing projects, because when given the choice I always chose writing. Most of them will probably be Royai, but won't be as obvious, as in kissing or anything. I think Royai is pretty hard to do, because they have their reasons for not being together, and it is not those fraternization laws. They probably exist, but they are never even mentioned in the manga or anime, so all of you who think that is **all** that stands in their way of being together are crazy. Sorry.

And, completely off topic I know, but isn't it weird that the three girls (Winry, Riza, and Mei Chan) you would probably call the three main protagonists' (Edward, Roy, and Alphonse) most probable love interest all have small pets? That is, Den, Black Hayate, and Xiao Mei? And not only that, but all of them are black and white!? Not to mention the fact that Arakawa-sensei is portrayed as a black and white cow!! Too weird, don't you think? Now Ran Fan needs to get herself a pet skunk or something and all four heroines have a black and white pet. xDD

And did you notice how Hawkeye always has the same basic outfit while out of the military clothes? A knee length skirt, short heels, some sort of shirt, and usually a jacket if she goes out. And I was laughing my butt off for some reason when I saw Hawkeye cleavage in chapter 83. xDD Er… Yeah… Ignore my weirdness and just review before I find more weird things to talk about… I'm a girl, by the way. And I really idolize Riza. She is like… my personality goal. I cut my hair last summer but I am re-growing it so I can do Hawkeye's hairstyle. I'll have to straighten my hair, though. I won't bother dying it blond, though. xD To be truthful have more of a Scieszka personality… minus the photographic memory. I totally looked like Winry seeing automail when I saw Scieszka's house filled with books. Dying by being crushed to death by the millions of books in my house is my dream!! Now I am off to procrastinate my science project!!

Edit: I editted this on July 8, 2008. Should be a smoother read now. Thanks for all the reviews. I seriously cried everytime I got one. Freaked my family out. And I got a 100 on my Science Project. Don't know why, I thought it was horrible, but whatever. I gave the poster to my cats to pee on. )


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